Frequently Asked Questions
FEELINGS:
I feel really fed up sometimes am I ok?
Being a teenager can be difficult as your bodies are going through many changes, both emotional and physical, which can be a worrying time. Occasional bad days are ok, however if you find yourself crying a lot, not wanting to get up and avoiding others company it would be a good idea to talk to someone you feel close too and you feel would understand. You may feel that you are the only one who feels this way but many of your friends may be feeling the same.
Some kids are being horrible to me, what do I do?
It can feel horribly and scary when someone is not nice to you. You can feel alone and isolated but remember this is not your fault so don't blame yourself. The most important thing is to speak out, if you feel scared about doing this ask a friend to go with you. Speak out until someone listens; be clear about what has happened. You have a right to be taken seriously.
Don't suffer in silence!
I have just split up with my boyfriend/girlfriend and I feel really upset, what can I do?
Sometimes relationship problems can not be fixed and it takes great maturity to accept that some relationships are not meant to be. It is hard when you feel really upset to see things clearly but sometimes if we are honest with ourselves there maybe good reasons as to why the relationship ended. If they were horrible to you in any way physical or emotional, it maybe best to not see them again. Everyone can be not so nice at times but you know if they went too far. One of the most important things is to talk to someone that you feel comfortable with and that you can trust. Talking through your feelings can help you to see the situation more clearly. If you don't feel you can do this there are many help lines out there with people who will listen. Don't be alone with these feelings, almost all of us have been through this and we know how horrible it makes you feel. On the other hand if you feel you have a good relationship and can work it out, keep in mind that most relationships go through tough times, so things may work out in the end.
Trust your instincts when it comes to saving or stopping a relationship and the chances are you will make the right decision. Good luck!
SEX:
I have a girlfriend/boyfriend should we have sex?
Many adults will often say that they regret their first sexual experience and that they did not have enough information about sex when they were young. As a young person you can feel pressured into having sex, your friends often talk about their own sexual experiences and it is easy to feel left out. Access to advice about sex and relationships is important; the brook website listed below can help with this. If you are close to an adult, talking to them could be a good idea (adults were teenagers once). The important thing to remember is to only have sex when you feel comfortable and ready, the right time will come and you will know when that time is. Making the right choices at the right time for you is important. Remember you do have a choice!
www.brook.org.uk - advice on sex, sexual health, pregnancy and contraception
Where can I find out about contraceptives and where can I get them?
The two web sites below provide a lot of information about contraception and also provide help lines if you would prefer to speak to someone. There are also many brook advisory clinics throughout the country that you can go to. On the ruthinking web site you can put in your postcode and a list of clinics in your local area will be given. Remember that you are entitled to free, confidential advice on sex and contraception, even if you are under 16. The ruthinking website also gives you information about what to expect when you visit a clinic.
Even though the law says you should be 16 or older to have sex it is totally legal to get free condoms from your local family planning clinic, or you can buy them at a chemist, supermarket, vending machine or petrol station. You can also get other forms of contraception, such as the pill, if you are under 16 and provided that your doctor or nurse is satisfied that you know what you are doing. Always keep in mind that only condoms can protect you against both pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases (STI's).
www.brook.org.uk - advice on sex, sexual health, pregnancy and contraception
http://ruthinking.co.uk - sexual advice for teens includes a helpline 0800 28 29 30
I think I am pregnant what do I do?
The first thing you need to do is find out for sure whether or not you are pregnant and the sooner you can do this the better, so act quickly and get a pregnancy test. There are lots of places you can go for a free pregnancy test as well as confidential advice and these places include your GP, family planning clinics or a Brook clinic (if you are under 25). Alternatively, you can buy a pregnancy test from a chemist for about £9. Some chemists or women's centers can also do the test for you for a small charge. Remember you can always ask for a female doctor or nurse if that would make you feel more comfortable.
If you have any questions about sexual health the following help line is available Monday to Friday from 9am-5pm: 0800 0185 023
SEXUALITY:
What do I do if I am confused about my sexuality?
If you are confused about your sexuality, the main thing is not to worry and to stay calm. The best thing for you to do is talk to someone who you feel close to and discuss your concerns and fears relating to your sexuality. It does not matter what your sexual preference is and certainly do not worry about what people will think of you, as long as you are happy in who you are and are honest to yourself about your sexual preference, then that is all that matters. If you require further advice, the helpline below may be able to help.
0207 837 7324 - London Lesbian and Gay Switchboard
One of my family members is gay/lesbian, what should I do?
If one of your family members has recently spoken out about their sexuality, talk to them about it if you feel comfortable in doing so. If you do have worries or concerns about it, talk to a friend or someone who you can trust. It is better to open up about how you are feeling about this, rather than bottle it up so don't be afraid to discuss how it is making you feel.
The website below may be able to provide you with more information if you need it.
FAMILY
I have a step parent and I find this relationship hard sometimes
Some young people are very happy having a new stepparent, which can also mean stepbrothers and sisters too, however for some this, can be a very difficult time. Sometimes having a step parent can mean that one of your parents is not living with you, which means you may miss them and feel loyalty towards them.
Settling into a new family situation can be hard for everyone and sometimes we can forget this. Often the situation becomes more settled in time. If you want too, why don't you suggest spending time together with the new family members, doing something you will all enjoy? Also tell your parents how you feel as they may be so busy trying to keep everyone happy that they may not realise how you are feeling. If things don't improve and it is making you feel miserable, talk to someone you can trust to try to figure out how to overcome the problem.
My parents have split up and I am stuck in the middle of it all, what should I do?
If your parents or carer's are splitting up it can be a distressing and upsetting time for everybody. The most important thing to remember is that it is not your fault. They will both still love you. It might take a bit of time, but things will get better. Tell them how you feel if you can, it may be that you are bottling up your feelings, feeling scared and confused. If you can't talk to your parents or if you feel you cannot tell them straight away, try to talk to someone who you feel close too such as a teacher or another member of the family. Try writing your feelings down as this can sometimes help. Some of you friends may have gone through the same thing; they may know how you are feeling as they may have experienced similar feelings.
There are lots of organizations out there with plenty of advice, these include:
www.there4me.com - Which is an NSPCC site especially for teenagers, offering advice by email and confidential interactive online counseling?
www.divorceaid.co.uk/child/teenagers.htm - A site all about divorce and teenagers.
How do I cope with one of the people in my family being ill?
Talking about things that are on your mind with a trusted friend or adult can be really useful. It can help you feel like you're not struggling with something on your own, and other people can often provide help or a new perspective that gives you support. Sometimes adults think that children might b upset if they know about someone's health problems but it is often worse not knowing. It is important that you get the right information so talk to people who you think may be able to help you.
www.macmillan.org.uk/whybother - Why bother finding out more about cancer? Because over 1 million people in the UK have been diagnosed with cancer, so a lot of children and young people will know someone affected by it.
www.youngcarers.net - Has lots of helpful advice about caring for a relative, there is also an interactive section where you can talk to others in similar circumstances and speak to trained adults in a safe zone.
www.childline.org.uk - This has a web site with lots of information about a range of subjects. They also have a free helpline for children and young people in the UK. Children and young people can call on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem.
I argue with my parents/carers quite a lot, is everything ok?
When parents and teenagers argue, it can be really upsetting for everyone involved. It is hard sometimes when we are angry to think how we maybe hurting the other person. Adults maybe worried that they have done something terribly wrong and failed you in someway. It is actually perfectly normal for parents and their children not to see eye to eye at all times.
Teenagers have to learn to stand on their own two feet, explore their own needs, voice opinions and become themselves rather. Being a teenager can be really difficult at times, and most families with teenagers go through similar difficulties. However, if the arguments involve abuse of some kind or you are feeling really sad about this, do not keep this to yourself, talk to someone you trust or contact one of the many help lines.
www.childline.org.uk/Helpandadvice.asp - ChildLine is the free helpline for children and young people in the UK. Children and young people can call on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem.
FRIENDS:
I find it hard to make friends
We are all different; some people make friends easier than others and others are happy to have very few friends. As a young person there is more physical and emotional change during this time which can result in you feeling uncertain and awkward. Joining a club or taking up a hobby can help as you can meet people with similar interests, however if you are shy this is not easy. If you find it hard to make friends and find this is upsetting you, talk to an adult you can trust as they may be able to help. For some people, being without friends or having a few is no big deal and it is what feels best for you. Everyone feels lonely sometimes but talk to someone if you feel sad. Just because making friends is hard now it doesn't mean it will be a problem in the future.
I have lots of friends but they get me into trouble some times
Sometimes it is hard to distance yourself from friends even though they may get you into trouble. You are in charge of your own actions so if you find yourself in situations, then you need to take some responsibility. However, when you are in your teens it can feel like you are under pressure to do the things some of your friends are doing. Sometimes the thought of being different from your friends is hard but there maybe others in the group who feel the same way as you. If this is a problem, you may have to take the decision to walk away if you feel the situation you find yourself is not good for you. If you have to, make an excuse, it is better than getting into trouble. A good friend who feels the same can help you to feel stronger, two people can resist easier than one. Also a chat with a trusted adult can help.
Value yourself, if you think something is wrong, don't do it!
WORK
What do I do when I leave school?
If you have a career choice in mind then definitely go for it! Speak to your school about how you can go about getting onto the right path to achieve your chosen career. If you are not so sure about what you want to do after leaving school then there are lots of people who can help. Connexions is a great website to help with this as they offer advice and guidance on your possible options. The main thing is to be doing something, even if you get a little part-time job as it will keep you occupied and bring in some money for you and it can also give you a bit of a break while you are deciding what you would like to do. Try not to worry about it if you have no clue about what to do. Speak to family or friends for advice and think about what you would really like to do and just go for it!
DRINK/DRUGS:
I feel pressured to take drugs, as many of my friends are
Don't feel pressured; you are your own person, having said that when you are a teenager pressure to be like your friends can be strong. Teenagers who use hard drugs may have something lacking in their life, so if you think this applies to you talk to someone. There are many organisations out there that can help. Taking drugs is illegal and can lead to arrest and prosecution which can be really frightening and not be a good start in life.
Value yourself and your own body!
What are the dangers of drinking too much?
Drinking too much can cause long term damage especially as teenagers bodies are still developing. When you drink too much you can find yourself in situations which can be risky as your judgment has been clouded by alcohol. One example of this is taking a lift from some who has been drinking, or a girl finding herself alone with a boy unable to control what is happening. There is always the danger of becoming addicted if you drink heavily on a regular basis. The most important thing to remember is to be sensible and look after yourself.
If I take drugs will I become addicted?
All drugs are potentially dangerous and because they are mostly illegal there's no way of controlling what goes in them. This means that if you have heard a drug is not addictive that doesn't mean an addictive substance has not been added. Cannabis for example can lead to psychological addiction.
www.talktofrank.com - Contact via email with an online drug advisor or call for information 0800 77 66 00 (all anonymously) For people with hearing impairments, you can textphone FRANK on 0800 917 8765
Quote from a FRANK adviser "Don't feel embarrassed, we've heard it all before. We're here to listen to you and help you with anything you want to talk about".
www.mindbodysoul.gov.uk - Provides health information based on the National Curriculum for Key Stage 4 pupils - 14 - 16 year olds.